Musings

I came across this excerpt from Elisabeth Elliot's book, "Quest for Love." Don't let the corny title distract you, please. This passage is a bold statement and might be controversial, so please take it with a grain of salt or the whole dang shaker if you want. Ok, so here goes. 

"Feminist doctrine has caused bewilderment about the true meaning of masculinity and femininity. We were told that the difference between the sexes was a mere anatomical triviality that had nothing to do with our respective places in society, the workplace, the church, or the home. We believed the lie about equality and interchangeability. As women learned self-assertion and aggressiveness, men learned to feel guilty about being men, and began to back off. Those whom God created to be initiators, protectors, and providers no longer understood their assignment, and women wondered why they were not being sought. 

"A woman lawyer from New York City wrote, 'The church is plagued with weak men and strong women (the latter in much larger numbers.). It seems that men have become effeminate (some to the point of becoming gay) and women have become overly aggressive, both personally and professionally (myself not exempted). The more aggressive "masculine" men (to whom I find myself attracted) are usually non-Christians. Christian men are afraid of commitment, unduly uptight about their sexuality, afraid to express interest.' "

I found that to be very interesting. I know a lot of people would disagree with Elisabeth, but I can't help but agree. Without getting too deep into the messiness of the Feminist movement, or risk sounding like a man hater, I think the definition of masculinity and femininity are a far cry from our original design by God. 

And the woman from NYC vocalized what many of us may secretly or publicly think; that the place that should be free of this social stigma is the very place that seems to present the problem the loudest: the church. 

What is wrong with us? 

As much as I want to react to this passage with a strong "AMEN! Those guys need to get it together!," I know that I'm just as much a part of the problem. Oh the consequences of living in a sinful world! 

I don't have any solutions, but I think it's something worth thinking about, praying about. 

On a completely unrelated note, my 54 year old uncle had a stroke yesterday. It took 24 hours of testing to figure out what even happened, but they said that if my aunt didn't take him to the hospital when she did, he would've died or been paralyzed. 

Life is precious, and time is short. Tell the people you love that you love them. 

God is good.

Cov Love

I finally made it into Covenant House, and 2 days in a row at that! Finally! I was seriously beginning to wonder if I'd ever make it in. I was a little nervous heading into Atlantic City on Monday for my first day. I don't know why, I knew the nerves would dissolve as soon as I walked in the door, and they did. 

I met my supervisor and got started right away on my project: the filing room. I sorted through piles and piles of inactive files to box and send to storage. I could've just listed the names in each box and left it at that, but I'm a boarder line perfectionist when it comes to organization and put each box in alphabetical order.  I couldn't help it. 

Yesterday, my job was a bit more tedious. I had to organize 8 filing drawers in alphabetical order, and then add in 5 piles of loose files. I never realized how deep those filing drawers go, or how many files can actually squeeze into each drawer. One highlight was being able to pull the files of client's over 22 to move to the inactive drawers. It's the little joys like freeing up precious and valuable space in a filing drawer that make it worthwhile.. haha. 

I left with 3 cuticle cuts, 2 Band Aids, and burning shoulders, but all in all, I accomplished a lot in hardly no time at all. I go back today, maybe I should wear gloves?

Another thing worth mentioning, parking is not in Cov's favor. 

There are 2 options. 

1) Side street parking along a residential street with a 3 hour parking limit. 

2) Meter parking on Atlantic Avenue, directly in front of or across the street from the building. 

In my mind, this is the gamble:

Option 1 is free, but not always safe, especially when walking to your car at the end of the night shift, midnight. Plus, it would require moving your car 3 times in the course of one 8 hour shift. 

While option 2 is the safer or the two, it costs $1 per hour, and an 8 hour shift would require many quarters. So you do what any underpaid (or not paid, in my case) social worker would do. Skip feeding the meters. In Ocean City, I'd say that is a bad idea and would most certainly result in a few parking tickets and possibly a boot and tow. In Atlantic City, however, I've been assured that the risk of getting a parking ticket is reduced to once or twice a year. So at $25 a pop, it's worth the risk. 

So I did what I was told, and parked on Atlantic Avenue on Monday. Unfortunately, all the staff park along the block that Covenant House resides on, so after several trips around a few One Way streets, I parked diagonally across the street. I was right on the corner it was well lit, so I figured I'd be as safe there as anywhere. It occurred to me while I was walking back to my car in the dark that night, that it might be a good idea to reconsider my parking location of choice for the future, as I parked in front of a liquor store and had several loiterers gathered around my car. :-)

And on a random note, the term "Cov Love" is used to describe the relationships that blossom between the kids at Covenant House. 

PS. I think I will post some pictures soon. Words get boring. 

Acronyms and Earthquakes

My sister, Amara, is in the DR doing her DTS through YWAM. 

For anyone who is not YWAM savvy, that is.. 

Amara is in the Dominican Republic doing her Discipleship Training School through Youth With A Mission. 

I trail blazed the path to the DR and YWAM, the summer after I graduated High School in 2003. In 2006, my sister Sam went, and now, in 2009, Amara is currently in her outreach phase. 

The DTS is broken down into 2 phases: Lecture and Outreach. 

The lecture phase is around 3 months, and is basically missionary school. 

The outreach phase is around 2 months, and is an opportunity to put into practice what was learned in the lecture phase. 

Amara had decided to follow God's leading for her to go to Costa Rica for her outreach phase. Her team consists of the 2 other Americans in the DTS, and 4 Dominicans, and her team leader. The Americans and one of the Dominicans have their Visas to travel to Costa Rica. 

They were supposed to leave November 5th for their outreach in Costa Rica. Because 5 of their Dominican teammates, including the team leader, could not get their Visas, they put it off a week to attempt to convince the consulate to give them permission to travel. 

After a few attempts at the consulate, and much prayer, their Visas were denied and the decision was made to remain in the DR for the remainder of the outreach phase. The reason why the Visas were denied by the Costa Rican government is because apparently a lot of Dominican woman go to Costa Rica to prostitute themselves, and they don't want to allow any more into their country, even if it's a group of crazy, Jesus-loving missionaries. 

While Amara and the 3 others who have their Visas were given the opportunity to go to Costa Rica without the rest of their team, they decided to stay together and finish the outreach in the DR. 

I have to admit, at this point, I was slightly frustrated, as a selfish American. In my mind, I had thoughts similar to, "You should go anyway! That's not fair!" Obviously, I forgot the teaching on laying down our rights when we're on the mission field. Hold on for a second while I dig up my DTS notebook and review that lesson...

OK. All better. 

So Amara decided to stay in the DR, and their team was headed to a town with no phone reception, so we won't be able to talk to her until next week. Just before she left, she sent Sam a text, basically saying, 

"There was just an earthquake in Costa Rica, in the town we would've been staying in."

If that isn't God's protection, I don't know what is. I think that sometimes we pray for God's direction and plan (to grant the team their Visas), but when it unfolds contrary to what we wanted (not getting the Visas), we don't understand until something big happens like an earthquake that killed 23 in the very place we were supposed to be. At least that's how I feel sometimes. 

Even though this is not happening to me personally, I am seeing so many things come to light regarding my trust in God, even though my sister's experience. Sure, I learned a lot in my own experience in my DTS, but it's a daily struggle and daily growth. 

Sometimes it takes something as big as an earthquake that could've taken my sister away from me forever to shake me back to my senses. 

In the end, God is good. 

That's really all that there is to it. 

God is good. 

His very essence is good. His plans for us are good. Everything He is and ever will be is good. Yes, sometimes He allows bad things to happen, but that is just how it is. And it's not in vain. Good can always come from the bad. It's just how we choose to look at it. 

So I am thankful for God's will including the preservation of my sister,  and I'm thankful for the lesson I was reminded of to trust without questioning. 

What are you thankful for today?

A prayer

So today I spent a few hours transcribing sermons and notes for my pastor. I have no idea how many words per minute I type, but I think I'm pretty fast. But that's really besides the point. 

He quoted a Franciscan prayer, and I thought it was pretty great. So I'm going to share it. 

“May God bless  you with the discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. 

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. 

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. 

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.”

:-)

3x

God is so good! He knows how I have a hard time making decisions, like which country to donate money to (see last post), so He solved the problem for me, by sending me a total of 3 donations in my name! Now I can use all 3 country options! 

Thank you Mom and Dad, Aunt Allie and family, and Megan! 

I picked Aunt Allie's donation to go to Tanzania, because it will provide water for schools, it made me think of my school-age cousins. 

I decided to send Megan's donation to Liberia, because it will provide water networking through an entire city and I think she would have picked that. 

I went with my initial gut feeling, and sent my parent's donation to the Ivory Coast. This will provide water for health clinics, and well, people cannot get better with poisonous water, can they?

I'm so grateful for my family and friends, and their support in helping others reach enough, starting with clean and safe drinking water. 

Turning 25 has certainly been memorable, especially since I started feeling sicker today. I feel asleep after dinner and haven't been much fun to be around, so I'm requesting a celebration redo, for when I'm officially over this cold/cough. 

In the mean time, please pray about how you can help others who need it. 

It's life changing.  

Birthday Water

It's my birthday today. I'm officially old. The quarter of a century jokes have been heard long before this blissful day, so I'm immune. 

The only reason why I'm posting a blog on my birthday (and not sleeping in!) is because I need help, your participation. I'm not entirely sure how well this will go over, because I'm not entirely sure that any more than 3 people read this. (AMG, Kate, and Beth.. thanks!) But I'm willing to take a chance. 

A while ago, when discussing the sticky subject of what having enough means, I made a decision to give up my birthday. I knew this would be hard for me, because lets face it, who doesn't enjoy whatever gifts their parents give them. But I realized that the only way for me to eventually be comfortable with "enough," I needed to start somewhere by giving up the surplus. 

My sweet friend Kate introduced me to an organization that her friend started, Charity: Water. After just a few minutes of research, I was convinced that my birthday would to go to them. I'll be honest, it was like pulling teeth for me to tell my mom that I want whatever money she would spend on my birthday gift to be donated. But I knew I had to, and if I didn't do it now, I might never be able to. 

I'll admit, I was anticipating this birthday to feel a little slighted, the worldly flesh of greed coming out of me. But this morning when I woke up and saw an email in my inbox from Charity: Water, greed and selfishness were the furthest from my mind and heart. 

This is what I awoke to:

How can this not bring anyone joy, especially on their day of birth?

The email also included a link to select the country to which I designate the money. I had no idea that this decision would be so difficult. All 3 of the countries they provided desperately need clean water, and I cannot decide! So this is where I need help. Not surprising to my nature of indecisiveness, I have come to terms that I just can't decide on my own. I am asking for your input to which country I should send the money to. 

So here we go. 

Country #1 Tanzania. 

Helping a school get clean water by collecting rainwater:

 

"Targeting 5 primary schools in the Karagwe District of Tanzania, charity: water is bringing clean water, bathrooms and hand-washing stations to 2,732 students. Each school is located 2-3 miles away from the current water source, so students are spending over an hour of class time hauling water. Rainwater collection tanks will enable the students and teachers to have clean drinking water readily available, encouraging greater attendance and health."

Country #2 Cote d'Ivoire

Providing clean water to a health clinic by drilling and maintaining new wells:

"Côte d'Ivoire's civil war ended in 2007 leaving a decay of water points in schools and health clinics. This waterproject is targeted in the former Confidence Zone, which divided the country from the rebel North and the South. Currently, no aid organizations are working in the area and people are drinking from open and polluted sources. charity: water wants to help 35 health clinics currently operating without clean water, and rehabilitate freshwater wells in 35 villages."

Country #3 Liberia 

Bringing clean water to urban slum areas by drilling wells and networking pipes:

"This project will target slums surrounding Monrovia, Liberia's capital. In the community of Clara Town, residents are drinking from contaminated water sources and outbreaks of cholera are a constant threat. The objective is to drill deep boreholes, and pipe the fresh water through a network of tap-stands. A focus will also be placed on improving sanitary conditions in the slum to keep the water sources clean. Over 30,000 people will directly benefit from this project."

Can you please help me decide? Comment which country you think I should pick. I have 7 days to decide. Obviously it really doesn't matter which one, they all need it the same, but just humor me anyway. It's my birthday. :-)

I think everyone should try giving up their birthday to a good cause at least once. It's so rewarding, much more than any gift received. Watch just a few videos on the Charity: Water website and tell me it's not a worthy cause. What's even better, is that unlike most charity organizations, Charity: Water donates 100% of what you give. No money is taken out for overhead expenses. So, think about it. Pray about it. Challenge yourself to live with enough, and with your excess, help others make it to enough.

www.charitywater.org

Thanks! 

On the Mend

I'm finally feeling better! Better enough to finally make it in to my first shift at Covenant House! I'm so happy, but at the same time, I've been so used to doing nothing that doing something feels foreign. I hate that. Home has been my warm bed for the past week, it won't be easy saying goodbye. 

It'll also be strange working from 4-12 tonight. Last night I looked at the clock at 6:15 and it hit me, if I went into work yesterday, I'd only have been working for little over 2 hours. 2 hours out of an 8 hour shift. It's going to be a long night. Especially since the last time I worked was in July, and it was 5 hour shifts. I was spoiled at Ocean Academy. 

But as comfortable as I've gotten in the world of Doing Nothing, it is time to move on. 

I've been getting the sense lately that, even though I have yet to officially start volunteering at Covenant House, my time there is ordained from God. The organization resounds with almost everything I've wanted to do, and it's so awesome to have the opportunity to be a part of such a profound act of love to "the least of these."

It's almost as if God is pointing directly to Covenant House. I don't know what my future will look like in that organization, but as of now, my life is definitely heading in that direction. God is rooting out alternatives left and right. For starters, a couple of months ago, I applied for a few jobs (that I really didn't want anyway), and I've yet to hear back from them. I think that is God getting rid of those options. He knows how I have a hard time making big life decisions, so He's eliminating a few options for me. Isn't He great?

Another example would be DYFS. 

Most people in my life know that I applied for a job and interviewed with the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services. Though it's certainly a hard job, I felt like I could do a decent job at it and if nothing else, show my clients and their families the love of Christ. DYFS has a pretty negative reputation, and I've had to defend my decision to potentially work for them countless times. I think I was also trying to convince myself that I wanted to work there, too. 

After my interview in July, I was told that the process could take up to 12 months to be offered a job. So when other job opportunities came up, I always had to decide if I wanted to work there or wait for DYFS. Most of the time, the decisions have always been made regardless of DYFS, but it always managed to come up anyway. It was very frustrating and I almost felt choked by it, even though it was always just a potential job. 

I have to admit, I felt pretty good about my application and interview, I thought it went well. Sure, it could've been better, those things always can, but I definitely don't think I bombed it. I guess I'll never know. I received a letter last week while I was sick. My mom was all excited because she was sure they were offering me a job. I hoped she was wrong, because this always happens. As soon as I find an alternative to DYFS that I might really enjoy (Covenant House), I might be faced with a decision, to pick DYFS or what I enjoy. (I guess I should mention at this point that the benefits to working for the state are very tempting.) So I opened the letter. 

"Dear Tiffany Mills,

Thank you for attending and being available for an interview at the Job Fest held in July. We appreciate the fact that you were interested in employment with the Department of Children and Families and for making yourself available for an interview. 

After carefully reviewing your application and/or the results of your interview, it has been determined that you will not be considered for the position with the Department. Your name will be removed from our list of potential candidates.

Once again, thank you for your interest in employment with the Department of Children and Families. Best of luck in all future career endeavors."

OK, so I didn't get the job. 

Emotion Check:

-Relief

-Confusion

-Rejection

-Joy

-Confidence 

I didn't get the job with DYFS. Phew! I didn't want to work there anyway.

But why? What did I do wrong? Did I not have enough experience? Did I bomb the interview?

I'm a loser. DYFS won't even hire me. 

(You don't even need a Social Work or related degree to apply. Anyone with a 4 year degree can. Chemists can.)

Now I don't have to CHOOSE between a good pay check or doing what I love. 

God chose for me. 

I get to work, even as a volunteer, for an organization that I believe in, helping a population that my heart breaks for, and maybe it will lead to a more permanent job with a pay check. 

God cares about me enough that He'd take the time to eliminate opportunities so I don't have to be confused and tormented throughout the decision process. I don't have to second guess my decisions or feel anything but confident, because my God loves me and knows what is best for me, even when I don't. Even though it's tempting for me to feel like a loser, I can choose not to. 

This is just another example in my life of God's supremacy. 

So, with all that said, I can't wait to start my first shift tonight! (Hopefully!!)

Update:

My supervisor called out today. This means the soonest I'll make it in to Covenant House this week is Thursday! I can't really complain though, since I'm still not 100% better. My mom told me this afternoon that if I go in tonight (before learning of my supervisors absence), everyone will hate me because of my cough. Try as I may to suppress it, I just can't! So, it worked out for the best. Whenever I finally make it in, it'll be the perfect timing for everyone. God works likes that. :-)