On the Mend

I'm finally feeling better! Better enough to finally make it in to my first shift at Covenant House! I'm so happy, but at the same time, I've been so used to doing nothing that doing something feels foreign. I hate that. Home has been my warm bed for the past week, it won't be easy saying goodbye. 

It'll also be strange working from 4-12 tonight. Last night I looked at the clock at 6:15 and it hit me, if I went into work yesterday, I'd only have been working for little over 2 hours. 2 hours out of an 8 hour shift. It's going to be a long night. Especially since the last time I worked was in July, and it was 5 hour shifts. I was spoiled at Ocean Academy. 

But as comfortable as I've gotten in the world of Doing Nothing, it is time to move on. 

I've been getting the sense lately that, even though I have yet to officially start volunteering at Covenant House, my time there is ordained from God. The organization resounds with almost everything I've wanted to do, and it's so awesome to have the opportunity to be a part of such a profound act of love to "the least of these."

It's almost as if God is pointing directly to Covenant House. I don't know what my future will look like in that organization, but as of now, my life is definitely heading in that direction. God is rooting out alternatives left and right. For starters, a couple of months ago, I applied for a few jobs (that I really didn't want anyway), and I've yet to hear back from them. I think that is God getting rid of those options. He knows how I have a hard time making big life decisions, so He's eliminating a few options for me. Isn't He great?

Another example would be DYFS. 

Most people in my life know that I applied for a job and interviewed with the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services. Though it's certainly a hard job, I felt like I could do a decent job at it and if nothing else, show my clients and their families the love of Christ. DYFS has a pretty negative reputation, and I've had to defend my decision to potentially work for them countless times. I think I was also trying to convince myself that I wanted to work there, too. 

After my interview in July, I was told that the process could take up to 12 months to be offered a job. So when other job opportunities came up, I always had to decide if I wanted to work there or wait for DYFS. Most of the time, the decisions have always been made regardless of DYFS, but it always managed to come up anyway. It was very frustrating and I almost felt choked by it, even though it was always just a potential job. 

I have to admit, I felt pretty good about my application and interview, I thought it went well. Sure, it could've been better, those things always can, but I definitely don't think I bombed it. I guess I'll never know. I received a letter last week while I was sick. My mom was all excited because she was sure they were offering me a job. I hoped she was wrong, because this always happens. As soon as I find an alternative to DYFS that I might really enjoy (Covenant House), I might be faced with a decision, to pick DYFS or what I enjoy. (I guess I should mention at this point that the benefits to working for the state are very tempting.) So I opened the letter. 

"Dear Tiffany Mills,

Thank you for attending and being available for an interview at the Job Fest held in July. We appreciate the fact that you were interested in employment with the Department of Children and Families and for making yourself available for an interview. 

After carefully reviewing your application and/or the results of your interview, it has been determined that you will not be considered for the position with the Department. Your name will be removed from our list of potential candidates.

Once again, thank you for your interest in employment with the Department of Children and Families. Best of luck in all future career endeavors."

OK, so I didn't get the job. 

Emotion Check:

-Relief

-Confusion

-Rejection

-Joy

-Confidence 

I didn't get the job with DYFS. Phew! I didn't want to work there anyway.

But why? What did I do wrong? Did I not have enough experience? Did I bomb the interview?

I'm a loser. DYFS won't even hire me. 

(You don't even need a Social Work or related degree to apply. Anyone with a 4 year degree can. Chemists can.)

Now I don't have to CHOOSE between a good pay check or doing what I love. 

God chose for me. 

I get to work, even as a volunteer, for an organization that I believe in, helping a population that my heart breaks for, and maybe it will lead to a more permanent job with a pay check. 

God cares about me enough that He'd take the time to eliminate opportunities so I don't have to be confused and tormented throughout the decision process. I don't have to second guess my decisions or feel anything but confident, because my God loves me and knows what is best for me, even when I don't. Even though it's tempting for me to feel like a loser, I can choose not to. 

This is just another example in my life of God's supremacy. 

So, with all that said, I can't wait to start my first shift tonight! (Hopefully!!)

Update:

My supervisor called out today. This means the soonest I'll make it in to Covenant House this week is Thursday! I can't really complain though, since I'm still not 100% better. My mom told me this afternoon that if I go in tonight (before learning of my supervisors absence), everyone will hate me because of my cough. Try as I may to suppress it, I just can't! So, it worked out for the best. Whenever I finally make it in, it'll be the perfect timing for everyone. God works likes that. :-)