All Dogs Go To Heaven

I vaguely remember watching that movie as a child. I used to think the notion of it was ludicrous, and I still do. Maybe it's because I'm not that big of an animal person. (OK, honest fest: I'm no where NEAR close to being an animal person.) Despite having approximately 4 animals in my house at one time, I'm still not a fan. 

However, emotion still creeps up and gets the best of me (if only for a brief 30 seconds) when a pet dies. I can't even believe I'm admitting that, but it's true. 

When I was in high school, our first pet died. Sam's rabbit, Butterscotch. Sam discovered her death just before her bus came, and she was so upset that she had to stay home from school to mourn the loss. 

Maybe a year later, my rabbit, Pepsi, committed suicide on Halloween. No, really, it's true. He jumped out of his hutch and broke his neck. Sam discovered him, again, before school. She claims his fateful jump was a desperate attempt to join his beloved hutch-mate in "pet heaven." If you're noticing the trend of Sam checking on the rabbits, that's because a few years after we got the rabbits, I gave up ownership and any responsibility that came along with the territory. 

After the rabbits, we had a long stretch of pet longevity. 

Our friend Tom gave my brother a Beta fish for Christmas 2 years ago, in an attempt to drive my parents crazy. He figured, as most people would, that the fish would only last a few weeks at most. He was wrong. That thing survived broken bowls, cat swats, several visits to the garbage disposal, and exposure to accidental "chemical spills." Jon named him Tommy Hank, in honor of Tom. He lived a long life, and we memorialized his life in a special toilet-side ceremony, a few months ago.

Last December, we put down a pet for the first time. Our first real pet, a yellow cat named Daisy. She was around 14 years old, had cancer, cataracts in her eyes, and peed in our bathroom linen closet whenever she got the chance, not to mention on beds, pillows, shoes, and on whatever pile of softness she stumbled upon. There's nothing like grabbing a towel after a refreshing shower and realizing Daisy got to it first. 

So my parents decided to put an end to her suffering, and also to protect Jon and Grace from finding her dead at home. I can't even believe it, but I shed a tear when saying goodbye to Daisy. Grace was hysterically sobbing, which ultimately made me cry (that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.) To console her, I bought a wooden cross and some yellow paint, and we worked on a grave marker for her resting place behind the tractor shed, next to Butterscotch and Pepsi. 

Now our first dog, Rosie, is on her way out. She has a fractured leg, and the cast caused a nasty infection on her leg, which is pretty disgusting and raw. She has arthritis and gross stuff coming out of her eyes. The doctor said she's not long for this world. It's sad, because even though her barking can drive a person mad at times, she has been a pretty good pet. Even I'll admit that, despite the insane amount of hair that comes off her whenever she is touched. It'll be sad when she goes. I broke the news to Amara that there's a good chance she'll come home from the Dominican Republic in December and find Rosie gone. She wimpered. Sam shed a tear. I'll wait til the moment comes to get emotional about it. 

Despite all the pet death that's been going on, we still manage to have two healthy dogs and one lively cat left. It's ridiculous. 

I'm not entirely sure why I just dedicated a post about dead animals. I'm not going to connect it to any weird philosophical ideas or theories. That would be weird. I guess I'm just reflecting on the subject as Rosie is heading out. And even though I'm generally anti-pet, it's sad to see a household fixture depart. I make sure to give her head a little pat once in a while, like I'm doing my part or something. 

On a lighter and completely different note, I sat in my room tonight with my friend Megan and my sister Sam, and listened to them go through the 60,001 Best Baby Names book to name all of Megan's potential future children. I won't embarrass her by listing some of the worst names she suggested, but let me tell you, she had us laughing pretty hard a few times. My favorite part of the night was this conversation:

Me: "Megan, I don't know why you're even bothering, you know I am going to just call your kids 'Annoying' and 'Brat'!"

Megan: "Why do I get the feeling that my kids are going to be the butt of everyone's jokes?"

Me: "Because they will be."

Sam, mocking: "Oh hey! Whose dog is that outside? Oh never mind, it's just Megan's son."

Megan: "Hey!"

Sam, mocking again: "Kids, get off Megan's daughter! She's not a horse!"

Megan: "Why do I feel like Sam's kids are going to be beautiful and have flowing brown hair, and my kids will look like ogres with pasty skin?"

Me: "Because they will."

Yea, we have a fun relationship. 

PS... I'd like to dedicate this post to Chinese medicine. ASR, you rock. 

Happenings

I decided that while I have an undisclosed amount of free time in my period of "job searching," I should do something worthwhile. 

Now, don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time being educated by the likes of Regis and Kelly, eating a leisurely breakfast at 11 am while my mom begins preparations for lunch, and retuning books and DVDs to the library, just to check out new ones. 

It's not a bad life, really. I almost have my library card ID number memorized. 16475101...something. The last 6 numbers always get me. At least I have a handy key chain version of a library card, it makes the whole process so much easier. 

Between my busy life at the library, I've also spent entirely too much time at home cleaning. I had to devise a chore chart for me and my sisters to ensure the fair and equal division of labor. It was getting out of control for a while. That's all I'll say about that.. just in case Mother reads this. ;-)

All of those factors combined with my urgent desire to DO SOMETHING for the good of others had brought me to this new season in my life. 

Volunteering. 

Before you think anything, let me just clarify that I have spent lots of time volunteering in the distant and not so distant past, but it was always in conjunction with whatever else was going on in my life. 

So let me explain. 

I feel like my thoughts lately have been consumed with and fed lines similar to, "Get a job! Get a job! Need money! Empty bank account! Move out! Almost 25! Get a job! Get a life!" As much as all these thoughts have been true, it's not all that is true. What else is true is that while I'm moping around, waiting for a job to come up, I'm wasting precious time that could be spent helping others. What else is true is that I'm blessed to live at home, where bills are few and meals are free. So I'm going to start volunteering to pass this time of interim wisely and with purpose, regardless of a paycheck.

Anyway, volunteering should take my mind off of me and focus it on others. That's always a better place to be, isn't it?

I am in the application process for volunteering at Covenant House in Atlantic City. I'm super excited about this opportunity, as it resonates closely with the work I've always wanted to do in the Dominican Republic with street kids. Covenant House is an outreach program directed at homeless youth in the Atlantic City area, and provides safety, shelter, food, and a number of resources for establishing healthy adult lives off the streets. I had a tour of the facility last week and loved it. I can't wait to start! If you'd like more information on Covenant House, look at the links I've posted on the left. 

I'm also going to be helping my pastor out with some note/sermon typing. That is probably the last thing I'd think of as far as helping out at church, but I'm a fast typer and not a huge fan of nursery duty, so why not? 

Now, I know that it is easy for me to get an idea and run with it, spreading myself thin and ultimately crashing and burning that idea to a premature end. So I'm going to try to avoid that, and take it easy in the beginning. 

With that said, I am also the official medication dispenser for my grandfather, whose pill boxes requires refills every two weeks. And not to mention part-time chauffeur, to and from doctor appointments and CVS runs. (I have to say, I've never used a shopping cart at a CVS before escorting my grandfather there. He means business.)

So, until I have a bona-fide paying job, I'm going to pour myself into these tax-free jobs (that's one way to look at it, right?) with just as much dedication. Who knows what doors they might open?

I can't wait to see!

PS... if anyone was still curious about the aforementioned "Secret Plan," I kept it a secret for this very purpose: it's not happening. The timing was off and it's not going to work out. At least for now! 

Hard questions

*Please note that the following is just a collection of my thoughts and is no way claiming to be authority. I'm just a girl trying to figure life out. 

Today I received an email from a dear friend from college, Allyson. Let me just tell you, this girl is awesome. She is one of the most passionate, thoughtful, and kind people I know, and I've learned a lot about servanthood from her. We were talking about the I-HEART Revolution documentary that I quoted a few blogs ago, and I really liked what she had to say in response to it.

She said:

"A lot of times I feel helpless about poverty, especially globally. I get so overwhelmed with poverty nationally, or even locally, that I give up. I want to get involved and yet I have no clue where to begin. I know I have more belongings, food, water, clothes, than some small cities, which disgusts me. I sometimes wish my apartment would burn so that I could understand what it feels like to not have any material possessions. I get so distracted by reality tv, or dumb shows on tv and clothes and it disgusts me, but I do not know how to break my addiction to pointless things. I guess I should get off my rear end and do something, but I sometimes do not even know what to do."

I think she just verbalized what many of us think. I know I have felt the enormity of the global situation and felt beyond helpless. What difference can one person make, really? 

If we're being honest with ourselves, we all can pretty much say what she said. We as a culture are addicted to pointless things. 

How DO we break those addictions?

I've been having hard conversation with my friends lately about this stuff. We talk for hours, trying to find some answers to issues we've been struggling with for years, about the church and community, our purpose as Christians, social injustice and our responsibility to it, etc... We brainstorm, debate, and play devils advocate. Then just when we reach some sort of conclusion, we ask the killjoy question, "OK, so what does that mean for us?" which then launches into another hour of discussion. 

The common conclusion we often reach in these conversations is this: 

Lifestyle.

Living out the "church" the way God intended it to be is a lifestyle, not some organized religion we entertain ourselves with once a week. 

Living in community the way God intended us to is a lifestyle, and it doesn't include gossip, ungodly entertainment, and wasted hours on Facebook. 

Our purpose as Christians is to be a lifestyle, sharing the joy of salvation every day through our actions and our words.

Our responsibility to helping those in need is to be a lifestyle, giving our time and possessions freely as they are needed, because that is what church and community looks like. 

My friend Alicia sent me a quote, which was quoted by someone, who quoted it from someone else. Basically it said, "The opposite of poverty is not wealth, or riches. The opposite of poverty is enough. If you have enough, thank God. If you have more than enough, you've been blessed to help someone else make it to enough."

But what is enough? 

I still don't think I can answer that. 

But I know I have more than enough. 

So what am I going to do about it?

What are you going to do about it?

Taking Notice

My life has been seeming quite boring lately. I'm waiting for something really exciting to happen, but then I realize that my life is passing me by while I wait. I could wallow in self pity due to the tragic state of my boring life, but that would be ridiculous and annoying. Though the past few days have been pretty low key, I still have a ton to be thankful for.

Saturday: 

- Due to last minute change of plans, I got to take my brother Jonathan to his first concert. It was an hour and 45 minutes away, and we ended up leaving early because his ears hurt (we all forgot that he has a double ear infection! Oops!), and I didn't even get to hear my favorite songs, but that doesn't even matter because the look of excitement on his face by watching the "rock dude" play his sweet electric guitar made it all worth it, and even more when he said quietly while walking to the car to leave, "Thanks for taking me to the concert, Tiffany."

Sunday:

- My whole family (minus Amara, plus Megan) sat on the sidelines to cheer Jon on for his first soccer "game," in a league created for kids with special needs. It was a beautifully warm day, and Jon was so excited to be out there, in his new cleats, jersey, and sweatband. He may have enjoyed our cheering a little too much, as he started motioning for us to cheer before kicking the ball! 

- I got to spend some time with my grandparents in the afternoon. I helped my grandfather sort his medication and took my grandmother to TJ Maxx (it's a family obsession!), where she blessed me with a few purchases, some needed and some just because. 

Monday:

- I spent some more time with my grandparents, taking my grandfather to a doctors appointment at the Veterans building. While waiting in the lobby with disabled vets, I was reminded of the reality that some men and woman live in. I have faces to go along with the text books and news stories. Sitting there alongside these people always makes me wonder what their lives have been like, what their experience with war has been like, and I am reminded of their sacrifice for my sake. I also remember how precious my time with my grandfather is. 

- I actually went to a high school soccer game. It clearly wasn't my idea, but I went along to spend time with my sister. It ended up being surprisingly fun. And my competitiveness snuck out a few times, which may or may not contribute to the reasons why I don't play sports. There is a very good chance that one day I'll be one of those parents in the bleachers who get in fights with other parents. 

- Though it seems like an eternity to arrive at a dance studio 45 minutes early to pick up my baby sister from class with my mom, the time passed quickly and I enjoyed watching her dance though the creeper double-sided mirror. I didn't want to get there that early, and I was antsy to leave, but I am proud of how far she's come as a dancer. 

Tuesday:

- I turned a new leave as far as cleaning is concerned. I have never enjoyed the chore, and never thought I ever would. That is, until we bought a Swiffer Vac. I tried it for the first time this morning, and you'd never imagine how freeing a cordless vacuum is! I just kept going and going until the whole house was Swiffered! Who would've thought??

- I took Jake to visit our grandparents this afternoon. We sat on their front porch and he took turns reading his ABC book to Nan and Pop, while I worked on Pop's cross word puzzle. I'm terrible at those things. We ate grilled cheese for lunch and then I tucked him in for a nap. While he was sleeping, Nan and I watched a movie, which ended just before Jake woke up. Then we took a walk to our aunt and uncles house to play with their dog, Penny. I didn't mind carrying Jake back, because I love when he lays his head on my shoulder and wraps his arms and legs around me, which he did several times. 

- I finally remembered that it was Tuesday and Tuesday is Bible study, and I went to it. I wasn't feeling quite up to it, to be perfectly honest, because it is out of my comfort zone and I desperately don't like leaving that zone. But the people were friendly and the teaching was sound, so all in all it was a good thing. Plus I got to watch Madea's Family Reunion afterwards at Megan's house, which is always a good time! 

So, my days aren't filled with earth-shattering excitement. Rather, it's the daily happenings of life, that all too often I let slip by, unnoticed. I need to live in the present, savoring every moment, because this is my life, whether I like it or not, and pretty soon I'll be old and wrinkly, wondering where the heck the time went. I have a book on my shelf next to my bed called "Don't Waste Your Life." I've only gotten through the first chapter. I'm afraid I'll waste time by reading it. 

Until something really spectacular happens, I hope that I keep remembering to take notice of the little things that make up each day. We never know when or how God chooses to speak to us or bless us, and I sure don't want to miss out on any of it by waiting my life away for something bigger or more exciting to happen. 

Simplify

For a while now, a goal of mine has been to simplify my life. Sounds great, doesn't it? Let me just tell you... it's not easy. In a society and culture where material things and possessions are pushed at us in nearly every direction, it's hard not to buy into that system. Especially when you're also a pack rat, as I am. So if ignoring the consumer mentality was hard enough, lets add my compulsive need to stash everything I've owned throughout the past 24 years. 

I'm not as bad as some people are. You know, the people who end up on Oprah for intervention because their lives are buried under layers of Time magazine, Precious Moments figurines, and every tissue they've ever used to blow their nose. I'm not that bad. I just keep things that have sentimental value. And I guess I'm a sentimental person because I find a lot of sentimental value in a lot of things... which is precisely my problem. But these past months I think I've made some progress in overcoming my pack rat syndrome. 

The past few "spring cleanings" have yielded some positive results. I've purged my closet three times this year, getting rid of clothes I've had in my drawers since high school. (I'm not even kidding.) I always think along the lines of, "Well I didn't wear it this summer, but I'll definitely wear it next summer." And I never do. I reserved a few articles of clothing that remind me of that time in my life and put them in a box for storage. The rest I put in a bag and drop off at a collection bin or homeless outreach. It was so freeing. It was as if I was slightly and slowly getting choked by my own belongings. I also threw away a lot of unnecessary items that hold very little significance in my life. 

Throwing away and going through seasonal closet "purges" are great and an important factor of simplifying one's life, but it doesn't stop there. I can only keep what I bring into my life. In high school, if asked if I played any sports, I would've said, "Yes, shopping." (All I can say about that is thank the Lord that people can change!) Now I really don't even like going to the mall anymore. Not having a job and steady income to support the hobby of shopping has made a significant impact on my spending habits, but I think it's a little more than just being broke. Spending time in a third world country has also helped shape my mindset. How can I justify spending $60 on a pair of jeans at Gap when I can get a pair for $20 at TJ Maxx? 

I think it also comes down to differentiating what we want and what we need. I really try to make that decision when I want to buy something new to add to my collection of stuff. Society is so quick to tell us what we think we need. And let me tell you, it is very easy for me to believe them. Trying to keep up with the latest trends and gadgets is enough to make my head spin. As much as I want an iPod Touch because its cool, I still have a perfectly functioning iPod Nano (first generation, baby!) When my cute pink cell phone suddenly broke a few months ago, I bought a quick replacement phone from Walmart. It was $20 and I call it Tiny Tim. It's ugly as sin, but it works just fine. As much as I want to keep up with the trends and be cool like everyone else who has cool new stuff, I just don't need it. Not only does it save money that I don't have, it keeps my life less cluttered and overwhelming. And I'm still alive without it! My identity is not found within the walls of a mall. What a relief! 

All of this to say that simplifying is a process and a shift of mindset. And I'm still in the middle of it. But it's a good place to be. It's a place of self-reflection and introspection. It also helps me remember all the poverty and suffering going on in the world. We, as a nation, have SO much stuff! When you witness poverty and suffering first hand, you can't walk away from it unchanged. So if we strip down to the bare essentials of what it takes to live, we're left with a lot of excess baggage. That's what I'm trying to get rid of in my life. It's not easy but I think the results will be worth it. 

Revolution

"You know, it's not hard to see that there is this great imbalance,

and that things aren't right.

I know that, but for me I suppose it really hits home

if I stop and think about this moment,

cause it's happening right now.

In the same moment you have a generation

who are sitting around entertaining themselves,

watching reality television,

which, to be honest, is anything but real,

while you have a child who is being prostituted behind closed doors,

and robbed of their innocence.

It's not fair that we can go about consuming

every single material option that comes our way

while the widow and orphan are stripped of life's basic dignities

because they're victims of a conflict that simply isn't theirs.

It's not fair that there's a generation

who are choking on their obesity,

while, at the same time,

there's 30,000 children who will die today

for lack of food.

It's not fair that we have no problem going about

spending $3 or $4 on what is basically

glorified tap water in a bottle with a fancy label,

while you have entire communities suffer at the hands of disease

because the only water they have access to is foul and polluted.

It's not fair that we can sing and dance and jump around

in our freedom and in our liberty,

while, at the same time,

the slave remains captive out of sight and out of mind.

It's not fair that we can sit and watch the evening news

from the comfort of our living rooms

and pity those who lived where the storm hit

or where the ground shook

or where the water rose,

and simply feel sorry for them

and then change the channel

and get on with supper.

Is it fair to walk past the homeless man and give him nothing

in the assumption that he'll spend it on booze or cigarettes,

or to suggest that he should go out and get a job?

I mean, who are we to judge

the alcoholic

or the prostitute

or the addict

or the criminal

as if we are any better?

Who are we to forget

the downtrodden

or the oppressed

or the marginalized,

while we go about chasing the dream?

We see this imbalance and we amend,

"That's not right. That's not fair."

But all too often, that's all we do.

Because for us to do any more,

is actually going to cost us something.

And if that's where it ends,

perhaps then it's fair to say

that when we ignore the prostituted child,

that we actually lend our hand to their abuse.

That when we ignore the widow and the orphan in their distress,

that we actually add to their pain.

When we ignore the slave who remains captive,

that it's us whose entrapping them.

That when we forget the refugee,

that it's us who's displacing them.

That when we choose not to help the poor and the needy,

that we actually rob them.

Perhaps the only fair thing to say

is that when we forsake the lives of others,

we actually forsake our own."

Excerpt from We're All In This Together

The I-HEART Revolution Documentary

Showing in theaters November 4, 2009

http://www.theiheartfilm.com/

Treasures

To make a long story short, I can't update Jake's blog anymore. I set his blog up under my school email, and now it won't let me sign in at all. So while I try to figure that out, I thought I'd write a little about my precious baby brother on here. 

I took Jake out for a few hours this morning so my mom could get some school work accomplished with Grace. It was really nice. I met up with my cute pregnant friend along with a mutual friend and her 3 year old daughter. Jake hasn't had much interaction with kids his age, so it was a nice little play date for him. 

Afterwards, I took Jake to get his first American hair cut.  His "bangs" were almost in his eyes and his side burns could've been braided. It's funny how subtle little changes are, such as hair growing. To us, Jake has looked the same since we got him. It's not until we look back at pictures of his first day, week, month with us do we realize how much his looks have changed just by his hair getting longer. 

Anyway, he looks super cute with his new do, and he sat super still the whole time. Everyone in the salon was so nice and just loved Jake, which is always a good feeling. As we were walking out, a sweet woman, advanced in years, smiled and said, "He is a treasure. God has blessed your family abundantly." 

I smiled back and said, "Thank you, He certainly has." 

That's really all that can be said. God has been way too good to us. I think that a lot of times, people, including us, consider Jake to be the one that has been blessed, having the opportunity to come to America and be loved to pieces by our family and friends. With so many children in the world without families that love and care for them, Jake certainly has been blessed. But he's not the only one. He has brought so much love and laughter to our family, and we feel incredibly blessed to have him. 

Every morning he wakes me up with a hug and a kiss and a quick snuggle under my covers, before heading downstairs for breakfast. When I finally make it out of bed and into the kitchen, he always stretches his arms out from his high chair and beckons for another hug and kiss. When I leave the house for an errand or for the day, he gives me yet another hug and kiss, and again when I come home from said outing. When I'm watching TV, reading a book, or on my computer, he will inevitably find me and climb over whatever I'm doing for a quick hug and kiss, with little concern for whatever he had to climb on to get to me. Before nap, hug and kiss. Before bedtime, hug and kiss. If I ask for a kiss and not a hug, he wraps his soft little arms around my neck and squeezes with all his might. 

He's just a bundle of love, and we are exceptionally blessed. 

For Alicia's Entertainment

I'm going to dedicate this blog to one of my closest and dearest friends, Alicia. 

I decided that since I have a lot of free time on my hands, I might as well make the best of it and do something productive for my friends by advertising them to the world. So I'll start with Alicia. She hasn't given me permission to post this blog, but what are best friends for if not to do something sneaky and apologize later?

I met Alicia early in my first semester at PBU. She sat behind me in Dr. Emmon's Biblical Introduction class. She said hi to me, and I told her I liked her shirt. One day after class while walking to Chapel, we discovered that we're both YWAMers. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Youth With A Mission offers Discipleship Training Schools worldwide. I did mine in the Dominican Republic, and she did hers in New Zealand around the same time. When YWAMers meet, there is an instant connection. This was especially true for us. 

Meeting Alicia was an answer to prayer. I had transferred to PBU in the spring semester, and though I was meeting a lot of nice people, I had been praying for God to send me a friend. Not just a classmate, but a really great friend. Alicia has been that and more over the past few years. We've laughed together, cried together, and made fools of ourselves galavanting around the streets of Philadelphia together. We've sung our share of songs in the car, and taken many unflattering pictures of ourselves. Even though she left me for the sunny state of Florida, she's still my fife. (Sorry, inside joke.) 

A while ago I experienced a stroke of genius.  The matchmaker in me came out. I'd submit her picture and bio for the next season of The Bachelorette! She's single and is always down for a good time! Unfortunately for me, my computer decided to freeze when I hit the 'submit' button and lost the entry. I took that as a sign to discontinue my plan. But now, I am taking full liberty to tell everyone what a great catch Alicia is! 

No, seriously. She's a great catch. She has mastered the art of cooking, cleaning, sewing, baking, singing, laughing, teaching, multi-tasking, babysitting, tire changing, communicating, party throwing, forgiving, loving, and dancing in the car while driving. 

And... She loves Jesus! 

She just might not love me anymore after she reads this. 

Sorry, Junior. 

UPDATE:

Alicia has not disowned me! However, I believe that she would like me to clarify that she is not on a manhunt. OK? Clarified. ;-)

I like making lists...

 

1) because they are fun.

2) because they help me sort through my thoughts.

3) because they make me feel organized.

I'm really just kidding about making a list of the reasons why I like making a list. 

But really. I do like lists. It has become a running joke amongst my friends. Probably my biggest witness to this is Alicia, who has been subjected to countless lists I've made. Sometimes I'll even make lists for her and other friends. I'm that out of control. But then again.. no one has ever complained that making a list was a hindrance instead of a help! 

I was paging through my journal and stumbled upon many a list, scattered about the pages. It's always fun/funny to go back and reread journals. My favorite is finding the list of qualities I want in a husband, that I wrote when I was in 10th grade. It includes 166 items. Not even kidding. Let me just say, high school was a strange time for me! :-)

The list that I rediscovered today is quite fitting, and a good reminder of what I want, or at least, wanted at some point. It's not a fancy list, and I hope I'm not the only one who has ever written this kind of list, or at least thought about it before. It's my list of things I'd like do to at some point in my life. The best is looking back at this list and realizing I can check an item or two off. Goals accomplished, however minor or insignificant they may seem.

Well, without further ado, here is my life's "to-do" list, as of October 2007.

(in no particular order - and HINT: my "secret plan" is somewhere in this post!)

1) Travel everywhere! (Semi-Check: Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Spain, Morocco, Algeria)

2) Shoot a gun 

3) Learn how to drive stick shift.

4) Learn how to drive a motorcycle 

5) Take a photography class 

6) Learn more sign language

7) Hug a Chimpanzee

8) Finally become fluent in Spanish

9) Drive cross-country

10) Parasail (Check: Summer 2008)

11) Swim with dolphins

12) Skydive

13) Hot Air Balloon ride

14) Learn a 3rd language

15) Real camping/hiking trip*

16) Fly First Class (Check: August 2009 to the Dominican Republic)

17) Write my autobiography

18) Publish some sort of writing 

19) Learn how to dance Merengue

20) Learn how to play the harp

21) Relearn how to play the guitar

(Unfortunately for Becca, flying First Class does not ease the burden of landing with a weak stomach. Sorry, Bec.)

*In addition to this list, I also included a "Facing Fears" list. It's short.

1) Touch a snake

2) Eat a bug

3) Go on a Blind Date

4) Aforementioned Camping/Hiking (I'm afraid of nature.)

Besides the camping/hiking item, I am boldly going to state that I hope I never have to experience touching a snake, eating a bug, or going on blind date (So you can stop your scheming.)

That list was complied nearly 2 years ago, and as usual, the list has grown a little. Some newer items on that list include:

22) Learn how to sew on my new sewing machine (Check in process)

23) Learn how to crotchet 

23) Learn how to knit more than scarves 

24) Go to Midwifery school

25) Understand Football

26) Plan a wedding (Check: October 25, 2008 Katie and David)

27) Get a tattoo 

28) Wear red lipstick in public

29) Go vegan for a season

30) Do something Mother Teresa would do

So, that's it for now. 

I know it's kind of lame that there's only a few checks or semi-checks for this list. But like always, life is a process. I could be mad at myself for not accomplishing more, but instead I'll remind myself to take risks and live life fully. Taking risks does not come easy to me, I'd much rather feel safe in my own little bubble. 

But that's not reality. 

And I want to be real. 

Secret Plans.

I might have a trick up my sleeve. It's not entirely a secret. The people closest to me are well aware of something I'd like to accomplish in the near future. 

But for now it will remain nameless, or perhaps I should give it a code name. 

Rabbit Trail: In high school I pretty much nicknamed everything and everyone. There was a crush named "Spike," also fondly remembered as "Visor Boy." There was a friend's crush named "Phil Tony System." There was my car named "Buzz," to be later replaced by "Ferguson," and my current car, "Percival Webber Honda." There was a particular van I named "Clifford, the BIG red van." That was one of my finer moments. Our hangout spot was cleverly named "The Spot." There are many more, but these are basically the most embarrassing that I'll share for now. Maybe even more embarrassing is the method of my nicknaming. That I'll probably never divulge publicly. So please don't ask.

Back to my secret plan. Let's call it "Operation Get Tiffany A Life." No. Too long. Maybe we can abbreviate. "OGTAL." Whatever. 

It's going to remain a public secret until I talk to my parents. I know, I'm 24 years old, I shouldn't have to run everything by my parents. I'm 24, but I don't have a job and I live at home and if it wasn't for them, I'd be homeless or dead. Plus I like doing things with their support. Plus this plan requires a bit more than their moral support, if you catch my drift. 

This plan would jump start an idea I've been considering for a month or so. Initially the plan was to commence in early spring, with a friend I like to call "Mega Bucks." But OGTAL would start a bit sooner, say... this fall. It would require some money, a passport, and a few suitcases. Plus a sharp memory and an even sharper tongue. It would allow me to cross off an item on my life's to-do list. 

I've spent the past few weeks beating the pros and cons to death. (I'd like to issue an apology to Megan, who has had the burden of participating in those conversations, against her will I'm sure.) I've calculated and made sample budgets. I've made calendars and even 21-month life plans. (You can laugh at me if you want, it's ok.) To help finance this endeavor, I've even considered looking for "secondary employment," even though I technically don't even have a primary job yet. (It's coming, one of these days!) The execution of this plan would greatly influence future job prospects, ministry opportunities, and basically personal satisfaction that a 6-year goal would finally come to fruition. 

With all things considered, even the pending conversation with my parents, I know that God knows the ultimate plan. He has since before I was born. I find great comfort in that promise, though at times it is hard to fully rest in that knowledge. I am finding that once again this time of my life is a reflection of God's will and timing, and not mine. 

So, as I am toying with the idea of my own secret plan, I have to consider another secret plan: God's. It may or may not include my plan, but experience tells me that His plan is always better than mine. 

And somehow, it always brings be back to the place where I started: not knowing. 

...LIFE!

Definition

Interim 

[in-ter-uhm]

–noun

1.	an intervening time; interval; meantime: in the interim.

2.	a temporary or provisional arrangement; stopgap; makeshift.

–adjective

3.	for, during, belonging to, or connected with an intervening period of time; temporary; provisional: an interim order.

ANTONYM...permanent.

So this is basically where I am in my life right now. This is where God sees fit for me to reside... in a state of "interim," in a transition from college to "real world," from girl to woman. 

It is strange. But it's where I'm living. 

I am a recent college graduate, with two degrees that did not come without its share of blood, sweat, and tears. 

I am 24 years old, and I am proud to say that I am one of the many Americans who have moved back home after college. Holler. 

I am unemployed, though partly by choice. I'm waiting for the "right" one to call.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life anymore. I used to have big plans, but they got lost somewhere along the way. 

Don't get me wrong- I'm not completely a bump on a log, letting life pass me by with no care. I still have a TON of things that I'd like to do someday, but I'm not sure where to start. I still want to use my social work training and the love and compassion in my heart to help whoever needs it. I still want to bring the love and joy of God into the lives of those whom the world have thrown away. 

I just don't know where or how to start. 

And I think that's ok. 

For now. 

I decided that I'm going to use this time of interim, this transition, the "temporary arrangement" in my life right now to let God to break and remold me, to guide and redirect me, to love and teach me. 

I'm going to enjoy the time I have to spend with my family. 

I'm going to look for jobs that I typically wouldn't have considered before. 

I'm going to keep my options open. 

I'm just going to live.